Honey, You Should See Me In A Crown
by wixley-kryptonese
Summary: Come on. We all wanted to know what would happen if the Black Widow tried picking up Mjolnir. The fact that she can is basically the fucking point of this fic, but renouncing the Throne of Asgard both in her own, and in her son's stead, doesn't really do anything. And she's not eligible as a woman, so, engaged to Thor, while her son is Loki's, when he was James Potter...ummm...
1. Chapter 1

"That's not a question I need answering." She said before sipping her beer. Thor grinned though.

"Come, Lady Natasha, you must at least try. There is no shame in not being able to pick up my mighty weapon."

Natasha gave him a slight scowl before standing, putting her beer down and walking around the glass coffee table, glancing at the hammer before wrapping her fingers around the table. She expected it to stay there, too heavy for her to lift – but lift it did, feeling no heavier than a gun. Silence fell, Thor's face still as he stared at her. Gripping it a little tighter, she flipped it a few times, trying it between her hands before eventually setting it down again, shrugging.

"I don't think I like hammers." She said simply before grabbing her beer again and sitting down, sipping it.

Thor held up his hand, Mjolnir flying to it like normal, but the God seemed stricken.

"I never believed them when they said a Midguardian maiden would be able to lift it. You don't realize the consequences you have brought upon yourself by being so pure of soul."

Natasha gave him a raised eyebrow. "Pure of soul. Right – Thor, my ledger is dripping. I'm no pure soul."

Thor sent her a glare that hurt more than it should have. "I gave up my right as Crown Prince, Natasha, and by being able to hold Mjolnir, you made yourself eligible for the throne of Asgard. Unless Odin decrees I am once more Crown Prince, you are the primary heir to all the Realms."

Natasha stared at him for a second before swallowing, eyes flicking to Tony as he spoke.

"Wait, so Natasha's a _princess_ now? She could become a Queen?

Thor tightened his grip on Mjolnir, still glaring at Natasha. "Yes, and not only that, but my father has not long to live – a decade at the most, and I do not feel that I am ready for such a burden."

Natasha's own stare became frosty. "I didn't think you were being serious – and you were the one pushing me into trying it. I don't want the throne anyway."

Thor growled deep in his throat. "You do not understand – only those of Odin's blood can sit on the throne. As Primary Heir, that means to become Queen you have to marry the most eligible after yourself. _Me_."

Natasha's stare didn't change, before she spoke in Russian, only Thor understanding due to the Allspeak. " ** _I, as Natalia Alianovna Romanova, do hereby give up any and all claims I have to the Throne of Asgard, and renounce any future claims hereafter. I, as Tsesarevna Anastasia Nikolaevna Romanova of Russia, do hereby give up any and all claims I have to the Throne of Asgard, and renounce any future claims hereafter. In the name of my son, Tsarevich Henry Clinton Romanov of Russia, I do give up any and all claims he may have to the Throne of Asgard, and renounce any future claims hereafter._** " She raised her chin, switching back to English. "Is that good enough?"

Thor glared before speaking in a low voice. "No. You cannot give up your claim – and even if you could, you would have to say it in front of my father." He rubbed his forehead, looking tired, instead of angry. "This conversation has gone in a direction completely different to the one we were walking just a few minutes ago."

Tony snorted. "No shit. What happens now? Do you get pulled up by a great massive beam of light-"

All of a sudden, blue light swirled around them all, transporting them into a large golden hall. Those who had been sitting down – aka, everyone but Clint – dropped onto their backsides. Natasha was on her feet in an instant, beer falling to the ground with a smash as she took out her gun, aiming it at the figure on the large golden throne. The old man gave her an unamused look.

"You are the one who can hold Mjolnir."

Natasha growled. "Who the hell are you?"

"Father!" Thor suddenly gasped. "How did you-"

"The Space Gem." He said before speaking louder. "Natasha Romanoff, I believe that is your name. You are in the Courts of Asgard, to face judgement."

Natasha swept her eyes around said 'Courts', noting the dignitaries, warriors, and finely-dressed woman, peering at her curiously as her compatriots got up. All but Thor went to their weapons, or at least what weapons they had. Tony and Rhodey both held up their single armoured arms, still wearing those parts of their suits from when they tried picking Mjolnir up. Maria, Clint and Steve took out their own guns, though Clint held his with one hand as the other took the compact bow from his inner pocket.

"Judgement for what?"

"Thor's hand." He said, making her raise her chin before repeating her speech from before. He and the rest of the Court gave her appraising looks. Odin then smirked slightly, standing.

"An honour, **_Tsesarevna_**." He bowed slightly. "It has been a long time since I have greeted a Royal of Midguard. Usually they bow though, not hold weapons to me."

Natasha tilted her head back. "Am I the only one proud enough not too? You are a dangerous man, King Odin – I cannot see why they would not, unless they are cowards."

"Mjolnir saw you as worthy-" Natasha shocked the Courts by interrupting.

"I am not worthy. I never will be. The only reason you aren't naming Steve the Crown Prince now is because he is too kind-hearted. He will not go to war to prevent things that may or may not happen. He nearly picked it up."

"I was watching." Odin replied. "You picked it up with more ease than Thor ever could. The enchantment upon Mjolnir is complex, but the words behind it are not." He held up his hand, summoning Mjolnir to it. "'Whosoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, will possess the power of Thor'. It is not to be taken literally though. 'If he be worthy' is the translation you hear due to the Allspeak. I have been informed before that 'English', does not have a gender-neutral term."

"Other languages do." Natasha spoke. "Every time your words translate, I hear it in a language that has the most faithful variation. Speaking with Thor is hard to do."

Clint made a noise. "So I wasn't the only one."

Natasha brought her leg up and kicked him in the balls, making him hunch over as her gun stayed steady. "Don't interrupt, Hawkeye." Some more titters came from the crowd. "And you can shut your motherfucking mouths too. I'm trying to understand why in the name of God I'm actually here."

Odin made an amused noise as he walked down the steps of his throne, looking to Thor. "Before we go any further, you should know Thor."

Thor's face turned edgy. "Father…"

"Loki lives."

There was a second of silence before pandemonium broke out between the Avengers, Clint and Tony calling for his head – but then came a roar that made Natasha feel a chill in her bones. Putting her gun away in an instant, she turned to see Banner already changed, the Hulk towering over the scattering Avengers, Maria and Rhodey. In the Courts, warriors drew weapons while ladies drew back.

But Natasha went forward instead, reaching out carefully. "Hulk, what's the matter?"

The Hulk roared again, this time quieter, before he scooped her up and cradled her in his chest. She sighed before patting him.

"I'm safe, Hulk, Loki's not going to get any of us."

"Fire-head lady stay safe with Hulk." He grunted, eyeing Odin. "One-eye old man dangerous. Fire-head lady stay safe from one-eye old man."

Natasha made a frustrated sound. "I really doubt that he is going to kill me, Hulk – and I don't like how you act on Banner's crush. He should know already that I don't like him like that. I don't like any human like that. Let me go."

His grip tightened. "No. Fire-head lady stay safe with Hulk."

Sighing again, she relaxed before slipping out of his arms, sacrificing her heels to do it. Dashing out of grabbing range, she gave another sound of frustration at feeling the cold floor beneath her pale feet before taking a dart out from between her breasts, fitting it into her gun before firing it at the Hulk. As soon as it hit him, he roared, but slumped and turned back to Banner, to whom Tony offered his jacket.

Natasha turned to Odin, who eyed her with a stomach-roiling look of finality, appreciation and 'YES'.

"I do not want the throne."

"I am King of Asgard." He replied.

"I don't give two fucks about your title." She said back, stowing away her gun before retrieving her heels, casually raising her leg backwards and putting them on without even looking. "Also, I don't give a shit about Asgard. According to Thor, it's your fault we only had our industrial revolution a few centuries ago. Without your interference, we might have been at our level of civilisation thousands of years ago. So, no. Just because I picked up some hammer that can only be picked up by a special few does not make me what you need."

"The enchantment is complex-"

"I already said I don't give two fu-"

"-and does not try to find people like Thor when it comes to women." His voice raised. "Men, yes, it follows the guidelines stated, but whosoever picks up Mjolnir, if they are female, are viable life-partners for Thor. One of the female-specific requirements was that they have to be able to defend themselves however necessary, stand up to Thor yet get along with him, have the ability to bear children and have a naturally extended lifespan."

Natasha's eyes darkened. "I will not be married off like someone from the Middle Ages. I refuse."

"I am King of Asgard, and you, Tsesarevna Anastasia of Russia, are hereby engaged to be married to my son, Thor. And regarding Henry – you must bring him here to be judged too."

In all of Clint's life, he had never seen Natasha pale so quickly.


	2. Chapter 2

"Those are my things." She muttered sullenly to Thor, who gathered them up in a small pile, blue light surrounding them before they disappeared. She stalked towards the door, Thor following quickly as she walked down the corridor, agents scattering at her approach.

"So where is…Henry?" Thor asked, making her give him a nasty glare before they exited the Helicarrier, going towards a Quinjet. "I could take you to him."

She outright flinched. Everyone in SHIELD knew of their upcoming nuptials, knew how she was able to pick up Mjolnir. They knew how Natasha Romanoff was not Natasha Romanoff, knew that she was _the_ Anastasia thought dead in 1918. They knew that she had a child, knew he was called Henry. They knew part of her past, and knew that she had wanted to keep it hidden from everyone – including the people she was most close to in the entire world, Phillip Coulson and Clinton Barton.

Clint was still hiding, most likely trying to figure out if her son was his, despite not knowing when he was conceived or even born.

"That is the problem." She finally said. "You can't. No magical source can reach him with what is protecting him. It's why I don't want you to go – an active Mjolnir will set off the wards surrounding him, and he will be whisked off to an unplottable location."

Immediately Thor's eyes widened. "He is of the magical communities? They still exist?"

Natasha nodded, knowing that the cameras didn't reach this far. "Get inside – and l mean it when I say he'll be taken if you use Mjolnir in even the slightest way. You need to leave it somewhere."

Thor nodded before throwing the hammer overboard to sink to the bottom of the ocean. "Do we now depart, Lady Natasha?"

In answer, she got into a small quinjet, knocking out the pilot out and placing him in a seat, strapping him up.

"He'll need to fly it back later. Precautions I put in place when he was a baby will reverse, and the quinjet would be left alone otherwise."

Thor was silent as she took the helm, following her inside and sitting down in a seat, strapping himself in. Less than ten minutes later they were landing in a field while the sun set, children in the park beside it staring.

Natasha then, to Thor's surprise, stripped and changed clothes. It was so fast he didn't regain sense in time to cover his eyes, the change leaving her wearing, instead of her black uniform, a pair of dark blue skinny jeans, a green polo-neck and a pair of boots. She threw a set of clothes in his face, and he stared at them for a second before getting undressed. He was _very_ aware of her unblinking gaze upon his torso as he removed his shirt.

"Admiring the view, Lady Natasha?" He asked her, making her shrug before twirling her long auburn hair up in a messy bun. He wondered if it were her natural hair-colour as he finished changing.

"Might as well enjoy what's in front of me. Come on."

She led him out of the quinjet after leaving a post-it note on the pilot's head telling him to leave once he woke up, and that they were at a place named 'Surrey, UK'. They went across the grass, and to Thor's surprise over to where the children stood. Only they weren't exactly what he expected.

The majority of the congregation was made up out of fat boys, maybe seven or eight Midguardian years, all surrounding a young boy who… In all honesty, Thor's eyes were bugging out at seeing the near carbon-copy of Loki, with only his short inky hair, falling just past his ears instead of his shoulders and green eyes instead of blue being the distinguishing differences.

"Dudley, it is not a pleasure." Natasha said crisply to the fattest boy of the lot. Said boy in question immediately glared and punched his hand with his fist.

"Who're you, skank?"

Thor stepped forward, glaring. "You will not speak to her that way, child." He said roughly, feeling as if a raging inferno had just appeared inside of him. He would have continued if not for Natasha's cool hand on the bare skin of his arm, pressing tightly in a way that told Thor she agreed with him.

"Leave my nephew be, James."

He didn't blink at the name, for the most part not registering it and for the small amount that did register it, well – he and Loki had played dress-up in serious situations before. It didn't faze him.

But the boy did. It was strange, how his eyes widened, before he dropped his fists, face morphing into one of horror as the boy on the ground sucked in a breath.

"Aunt Lily?!" At Natasha's cool nod, he immediately pointed a finger at her. "You're supposed to be dead!"

Somehow, if he was calling her Aunt Lily, Thor wasn't surprised.

Natasha replied with a bland voice. "I was amnesiac. Tell Tuney to stop her coddling of you, in those exact words, before saying that I'm taking Henry. Dumbledore had no right to place him with you, I agree, but your treatment of him is appalling. Now move."

The boys moved, even the fat Dudley scampering off as Natasha approached the boy on the ground.

"Why should we not tell white lies and always speak the truth?"

"Because keeping track of them is impossible when you are surrounded by falsehoods in the first place." He replied, before lunging forwards, hugging her tightly. Almost immediately Thor hissed, looking away as the invisible magic coalesced around them, the boys all running off. There was a second of stillness, the magic slowing before Natasha grabbed his hand and pulled him to stand against the two of them. The magic slowed almost to a halt, barely an inch from their skin before it exploded outwards.

Thor grimaced at the backlash, the foreign magic lashing at his bare skin like tiny whips, and only stepped away once she let him go.

"What has just happened, Lady Natasha?"

Natasha though, was only focused on her son. She slipped down to crouch in front of him, brushing her hand through his fringe, making Thor's eyebrows knit together as a scar was revealed – a scar in the shape of Sowilo, his Rune. Natasha's face though didn't reveal anything. Her hand trailed down his face, prompting a horrified look from Thor and an angry one from the boy.

"How did you reverse it?" He spat quietly, glaring at her as he jerked away lightly. Natasha gave her own sharp look before checking over the numerous cuts, burns, bruises and scars on his face that stopped where Natasha's hand had left. Thor felt sickened at the sight of his future step-son's face.

"What monsters did this?"

"My adoptive sister and her husband, though I believe Vernon to be more the culprit than Petunia – she never did like getting her hands dirty." Natasha sneered, Henry's expression matching his mothers.

Henry glanced at Thor though. "Who are you? Mother saved you from the magic – it removes any and all evidence of my existence on this earth, including memories and paper trails. She called you James. That's my father's name. You don't have the right appearance to be him though, unless you are using a disguise."

Thor glanced at Natasha, who stood and waved her hand over Henry's face. "You're wrong, Henry." She said lowly as dozens of _pops_ and _bangs_ sounded around them. "It only removes evidence of your existence on this earth from that of the mundane world."

Thor turned, and was only able to catch a glimpse of red, blue and black-robed figures before darkness surrounded him.

* * *

"Do you willingly submit to the use of verituserum?"

Natasha looked at Dumbledore with a stone face, not trying to escape the chains binding her wrists like Thor was beside her. On her other side was Henry, who was being forced into both silence and seating arrangements in the VIP section of the audience. The court room was packed, the news of Lily Potter's survival reaching all over the globe.

"I do not, and under the Matriarch Clause, as Lady Potter you are not authorised to force said serum on me, or any other forceful truth-telling measure unless you have mine or my husbands signature."

Dumbledore sighed. "Lily-"

"Chief Warlock." Fudge said warningly, giving him a look before glancing at Madam Bones. The witch nodded before standing, fingers splayed over her sheet of questions.

"Court Scribe, please take note of my position as Interrogator In the Name of the Wizengamot." She waited a few seconds before continuing. "Before we begin with the questioning, please state your full name for the archives."

Natasha spoke levelly. "Lillian Rose Potter nee Evans, Lady Primus of House Potter and Lady Regent of House Blackwater."

Madam Bones went to speak when Natasha continued.

"Anastasia Nikolaevna of House Romanov, Tsesarevna of Russia; and Crown Princess Natasha of Asgard – oh, and Madam Bones?"

Madam Bones frazzedly nodded in inquiry.

"I would let His Highness Prince Thor out of the chair." She bobbed her head towards the struggling God. "He might break your chains."

* * *

"He must come to Hogwarts!" Was the first thing Dumbledore said as soon as he faced her. Natasha didn't pay him any mind until he took her arm. "Lily."

She turned, pasting a sarcastic smile on her face. "Dumbledore, shut your mouth."

"But Lily-"

"I could bring you down with six words." She said, the cameras flashing around them as the reporters clamoured for her attention. Thor, who was already up ahead with Henry on his shoulders, aurors making sure they got out safely, turned to turn back but she waved them on. "Six words, Headmaster."

Dumbledore spoke hurriedly. "You don't understand – Harry defeated the Dark Lord, and if he rises again-"

"I defeated Voldemort, Headmaster." She interrupted. " _I_ did, and if he rises again it will be my responsibility to deal with him, not my son's – whose name is _Henry_. And those six words?" She looked right at the crowd of reporters. "Don't you think he looks tired?"


End file.
